I Feel Uncertain..

About virtually everything right now. What should I expect when the life I've been building for eighteen precious years is about to completely change? I've spent the past two months or so trying to understand how I should feel. It's been a somewhat downhill battle to reach the norm: the average, the universal feelings of an eighteen year old whose life is about to turn upside down and inside out. If anyone is currently writing the screenplay of a movie based on my life (I won't hold my breath), I would expect all the characters to start speaking Russian and doing the chicken dance at this point.

As far as I can tell, there are thousands of people speaking Russian and doing the chicken dance in my head right now. I do what I can to distract myself from the all too present, foreboding truth:

My entire life is about to change.

I've done a lot of thinking and come to the conclusion that there is no "right" way to feel. There is no checklist of emotions to go through before moving into the next phase of life. Whether you apply this logic to leaving for college, beginning your next year of high school, or even mourning the loss of a loved one--there is no status quo. Humans are systematic creatures. We want plans, lists, and procedures. We want to know the outcome before we take the chance. We want results. We want to believe we can take risks, swim against the current, and take bounding leaps of faith. But we so desperately want to know where we'll land if we leap.

That's no leap of faith, is it?

This process, as far as I understand so far, is exactly that: a leap of faith. I am leaping from high school to college, from Texas to Louisiana, from childhood to adulthood, from dependence to independence, from the safe familiarity of my comfort zone to the vast unknown expanse of my future. All I can hope is that I land safely and soundly on the other side.

For the past eighteen years, I've lived in a house with the same three people. I've walked outside to feel the same blistetering, Texas heat caress my skin every day. I've woken up at a steady 6:45 a.m. on weekdays, 12 p.m. on weekends. I've fastened the black button on my plaid, pleated skirt (a jumper from 1st to 6th grade). I've eaten breakfast in a chair positioned to the diagonal right of my father. I've lived in a room six steps away from my younger sister.

In the past eighteen years, I have also gone through puberty. I have developed a unique set of interests, talents, and skills. I have formed bonds of friendship. I have severed ties. I have known sorrow. I have felt pain. I have allowed time to transform my body, mind, and spirit. I have been in love. I have learned disposable things. I have learned extraordinary things. I have opened the floodgates in my mind and allowed a wealth of information to flow in, slowly transforming my young, childish mind into the mind of a distinguished individual.

And this is only the beginning.

Another strong proponent of human nature is our belief in a higher power, an all-seeing eye, a protector. Since I do not yet understand His or Her identity or whereabouts, I address this letter to no one...

To whom it may concern,

I know I've never been one of your most loyal or ardent believers, but I have come to ask a favor of you. Please grant me the peace of mind needed to accept my past, the clarity needed to understand my present, and the faith needed to leap into my future. Help me recognize and appreciate the love I receive every day and the people that have gotten me this far. Instill in me the respect and love that I must show myself and the knowledge that I will make mistakes along the way. Help me, one of the most skeptical, anxious, and cautious on this earth, believe I can make something of my life.

Love,
Erin

Zombie Fashion?

Australian artist Jonathan Zawada rethinks some of the most popular runway looks of the year in a rather unique way..


Christian Dior


Viktor and Rolf


Prada


Marc Jacobs


Alexander McQueen


And the Chanel robot to top everything off

Though this is a random post, this was too bizarre to keep to myself. Look out for posts coming soon concerning Michael Chabon's Wonder Boys and Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius!

The Brief Wondrous Work of Junot Diaz!

Blogging world, let me introduce you to-------JUNOT DIAZ!
I just finished this man's first novel, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, and I have to say that I haven't been this excited about a relatively new, modern author in a long time.


Born in the Dominican Republic (Santo Domingo), Diaz and his family emigrated to New Jersey in December 1974. After high school he attened Rutgers University (the Little family has about a twenty mile legacy, thank you very much). Half of my family was born and raised in New Jersey and most, all but my immediate family, still lives there. So, needless to say, I was thrilled when I realized that this novel took place largely in New Jersey.


Now we should go ahead and talk about what an absolute knock-out this book is. Aside from this gem, Diaz's only other work includes a short story collection called Drown. It is truly remarkable that a book of this caliber came from a rookie author, not to mention it won the Pulitzer Prize in 2008!

This novel documents the lives of the members of the Cabral and De Leon family. The same family, essentially, though the last name changed through the lineage. Oscar De Leon is a horrifically overweight teenager at the beginning of the story who lives in the ghetto of New Jersey with his spunky sister Lola and his overbearing, ungrateful mother Belicia. The name Cabral became De Leon when Belicia married her husband who soon left her after she had her first child (Lola).

The De Leons come from an impressive line-up of Dominican big wigs, however. Channeling Diaz's roots in Santo Domingo, much of the book takes place in the Dominican Republic in the form of flash backs to the family's glory days decades back. Diaz changes the story's point of view often providing fresh and honest prose about the "Cabral curse" that everyone, even in the present day, believes to be at work in the De Leon household.

Though the story is named after our resident ghetto-nerd, Oscar, Diaz divides the time among Lola, her juvenile delinquent boyfriend-turned-best-friend, Junior, Belicia, and Belicia's mother. It might seem challenging at first, but Diaz presents his layered story with a crisp attitude that is truly New Jersey-an, keeping the ball rolling and the pages moving.

All language aside, this story is a heart-wrenching one and is deserving of all praise (Northerners and Southerners alike!).

For those that enjoy: Modern fiction. The stuff of Dave Eggers and Zadie Smith


MORE FUN FACTS ABOUT JUNOT! I cannot get enough..
-He works as a creative writing professor at MIT
-As an adolescent, he had a thing for apocalyptic films and books like Planet of the Apes
-His short story collection, Drown, focuses on Diaz's impoverished youth without a father and the struggle of adjusting to American life in New Jersey

RUN. GO READ. BE MERRY.

My next victim is..