New Rin Tin Tin Song!

So I play bass in this fabulous funk-rap band called Rin Tin Tin.
I am accompanied by Ellyn Stroud (E-Money), our brilliant rapper and lyricist, Andy Marin (my main squeeze), our extremely talented guitarist, and Grey Vracin (Creamy Grey), our magnificent beat-master and comedic relief.
I'll post more about the band later, but I'm mainly excited right now because I just wrote a brand new Rin Tin Tin song.
Ellyn and I write the songs usually, but I haven't written one in awhile. I've had some bass riffs swirling around in my head, but I finally wrote some lyrics today that I'm pretty proud of. Also, there isn't a lot of singing in Rin Tin Tin, but I'm excited to say that this is my first song with a written melody! (Meaning I plunked the notes I was humming on the piano and wrote it down)

So imagine a bass line sort of like this--
(Turn your volume all the way up, I couldn't turn up very loud because it was late)




With a rap like this
(Keep in mind that the rhythm probably won't make sense reading it, what with all the stressed and unstressed syllables, broken and unbroken words etc)

Verse 1
Never enough
Sooner or later things are runnin' a muck
Your hilarity brings no clarity and I don't give a fuck
Maybe the next time around I'll do you proud
Only I can hear the screaming inside and how loud
It is not my place to get all up in your face
I handle with grace the burden of a quickening pace
Slow down, speed up maybe I'll take you aside
Explain why you should sit back and just let me drive
Keep your composure till the ice around you freezes you there
Yeah, now you've had your share
Reach out your hand though you think I won't take it
Love me, even if you have to fake it

Chorus (sung)
Because I need that from you, you know I need that from you
Stuck in our own agendas wondering why and what we did to get this way
Forgive me for treating you like I do
Give me the benefit of the doubt help me out when my hand is still--reaching for you

Verse 2
Recall a time when we were fine
Hell, even better than fine--sublime
Spending time felt less like doing time or losing time
I'm just as much to blame, you turned your back against me but I'm doing the same
And it shows, in every room we occupy we feel surrounded by..disdain, disservice and plain disinterest
Some of the best, these words shouldn't come to mind for two or our kind
There's love there, it's not fair to live our lives apart
Let's make a start do the smart thing and repair this damage
Love is what I need, I think you'll agree

Chorus

Bridge
Basically repeating "I need that from you" over and over with growing intensity

And that's all I have right now, but I'm planning on writing a third verse

So I'm excited! I know people never comment on blogs (much less read them..) but if you happen to be reading this right now, feel free to comment and give some feedback.